i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
