I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
