4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
