last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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