Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
