we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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