i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
