I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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