I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
