nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
My pussy is not your playground.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
