That's when you crack a 10am beer
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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