Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
