So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
