I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
