he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
