You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
