Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
