Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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