I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
