Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
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Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
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Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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