its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
