Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
His hands were made for my vagina.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
