I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
