i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
