I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
