There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Just puked most of my soul out..
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
