There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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