She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
