who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
