I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
i think my cat just said my name.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
