The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
