No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
