you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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