Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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