Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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