Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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