Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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