My cat gives me a boner
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
