the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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