How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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