I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
