I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize