oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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