Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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