don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
