I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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