dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
