she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
