I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
