phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
