If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
