EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
