i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
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Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
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I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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