lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
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Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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