I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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