she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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