We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
