Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
