My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I party with great urgency now.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
